Tequila Tonight
by Calzonaff
Summary: Ruby and Emma find a bottle of Tequila at the Station on paperwork night. Adventures ensue. Read, review, and if you like it, share with your friends! Rated T for a little bit of language! x ONE SHOT


A/N – Curse is broken, established Swan Queen & Red Beauty, Leroy and Charming are deputies for the sake of the story, don't judge my lack of sherrify knowedge! This was _not _a good idea.

Emma looked at the more-than-half empty tequila bottle that her and Ruby had demolished between themselves.

Every now and again, all the paperwork in the department rolled in on the one night – budget reports, arrest records, police statements and more, all stacked onto the desks and needing to be filled and filed. The work had nearly tripled, what with all the incidents that had come over the town now that the curse had been broken and people realised who they were. Lifelong feuds that had started over in the Enchanted Forest had definitely carried over to this realm, causing more confusion and trouble than Emma was probably equipped to deal with. This month the task had fallen to Emma and Ruby. Leroy (after being lectured quite sternly on the trouble that would arise should he decide to drink on the job; an irony that Emma was all too aware would haunt her in the morning) and Charming had been deployed for the night shift, leaving Emma and Ruby alone with a bottle of tequila that someone (probably Leroy) had stashed in one of the filing cabinets.

It had started as a shot. Just to lighten the load, you know? Then another, for luck. A third, just to round things off. A fourth, cause Ruby bet Emma couldn't. A fifth, cause Ruby stumbled and hit her shin, and needed the alcohol for medicinal purposes. After that, Emma lost count.

By 7 o'clock (a new record, by the way), all Emma knew is that her (well, Leroy's. Well, now it's Emma's) tequila was half empty, and the ground was spinning. Not like, dizzy spinning; full tilt ground-shaking-beneath-her-feet spinning. Emma looked at the tequila bottle. Ok, so maybe not so much the ground as her head. Still, there was stuff moving when it shouldn't be.

"Emma!" Ruby shouted across the station. Apparently the werewolf gene did not diminish the effect of tequila shots.

_You know, I love Ruby. So much. More than I've ever loved anybody. I LOVE RUBY. _

"RUBY!" Emma yelled back. "RUBY I LOVE YOU."

"I LOVE YOU EMMA" Ruby stumbled back over to where Emma was standing with the bottle.

"NO RUBY" Emma put the bottle on the desk and grabbed Ruby's face with her hands, pulling it so that it was within an inch of her own. "I LOVE YOU. YOU'RE SO PRETTY AND I DON'T TELL YOU ENOUGH AND YOU HAVE PRETTY RED STUFF IN YOUR HAIR THAT IS PRETTY AND I LOVE YOU OK"

"I LOVE YOU EMMA!"

Emma stopped. No, that's not right! Ruby wasn't allowed to love her!

"You can't love me Ruby, I have a girlfriend!" Emma pushed Ruby's face away. The nerve! "I love Regina!"

"I love-"

Ruby never got to finish. At that exact moment, an irrepressible desire to dance overtook Emma. She grabbed her phone and waved it in Ruby's face.

"Ruby let's dance! I want to dance!"

"DANCE LET'S DANCE!" Ruby squealed and stole Emma's phone, picking a song about a partying rock and putting the phone on full bull.

Emma started to sway. She could feel the music. The music was her. She started to wave her arms, and Emma just _knew _that there was no one else on the earth who could dance as well as she could, who could understand this music about the rock that wanted to – wait.

Before either Ruby or Emma could stop it, Emma was lowering herself to the ground, laying face first on the dirty office carpet, sobbing uncontrollably.

"EMMA?!" Ruby didn't understand. They were dancing. Dancing is happy. Is Emma broken? Is there a reset button that needed to be pushed? "EMMA WHAT IS WRONG?"

Emma was still crying. Ruby grabbed the tequila bottle and sat down next to Emma, taking a healthy swig before trying to talk to Emma again.

"Emma you have to tell me what's wrong. I have tequila, I'm pretty sure that will fix it."

Emma grabbed the bottle from Ruby, taking a gulp before divulging her tale.

"The Rock, Ruby." Emma sniffled.

"The Rock?" Ruby stared at Emma. What has an actor got to do with this?

"The rock in the song ("Ah! Of course!" Ruby shouted, having absolutely no idea what Emma was talking about). The Party Rock. He just wants everyone to have a good time, but _he _can't. He can't party, he's a rock!" Emma started to cry again.

Ruby promptly delivered a sharp smack to the back of Emma's head.

"PULL YOURSELF TOGETHER WOMAN!" Ruby shouted. "ROCKS CAN'T FEEL!"

Then, Ruby stole the bottle from Emma's hands, and stumbling unevenly to her feet, Ruby began to dance again.

Emma stared at her in shock for just a second, before getting up and joining her.

(x)

"Ruby! Give it back!" Emma was pouting now. She had tried bargaining, threatening, pleading and even her puppy dog eyes. But still, Ruby clutched the tequila bottle she had stolen in between her hands.

"No!" Ruby shouted back. She turned her back to Emma and started to dance (well, sway drunkenly from side to side).

Emma glared at the waving figure. This was unacceptable. Emma was boss. Emma got the tequila. She glanced at the desk beside her, and the smartest idea of all the ideas popped brightly into her head.

_The bottle must be reclaimed, _thought Emma, _by any means necessary. _

Emma clambered clumsily onto the desk, eyeing a still-wavering Ruby warily. She crouched on the desk, sucking in a deep, fortifying breath.

"TEQUILA!" Emma's battle bellow rang through the station, and before Ruby even had time to turn around, Emma was launching herself off the desk and flying toward the woman in a graceful manoeuvre that never would have worked had she been sober.

Surprisingly, Ruby didn't topple over when a wild Emma appeared, latching itself to her back wrapping pale arms around a neck and jean-clad legs around Ruby's waist. Emma supposed it was Ruby's inner werewolf that kept Emma's ninja leap from being a complete disaster. Score one for lycan genes.

"Give me the bottle!" Emma cried, untangling one her arms from around Ruby's neck and using it to grab blindly for the booze.

"No! Bad Emma!" Ruby shouted back, putting the bottle as far from Emma's reach as she could. "My tequila!"

"Ruby!" Emma screamed right back. "Give me my bottle!"

"NO!"

"BAD RUBY!" Emma smacked Ruby lightly on the head with her bottle-grabbing hand. "RUBY DOESN'T TAKE EMMA'S BOOZE! SIT, RUBY! SIT!"

To both the women's utter astonishment, Ruby dropped Emma back onto her feet and sat cross-legged in front of her.

"Give Emma the bottle, Ruby." Ruby gave.

"Good Ruby." Emma patted Ruby on the head. "Good puppy."

"FUCK YOU EMMA!" Ruby yelled. "THAT'S CHEATING!"

"YOU CAN'T FUCK ME, I LOVE REGINA, RUBY."

"I DON'T WANT TO FUCK YOU, I LOVE BELLE, EMMA!"

"THEN WHAT-" Emma was abruptly cut off by Ruby's drunken finger being pressed to Emma's (drunker) lips.

"SHHHHHH!" Ruby whispered. "Someone is coming!"

"How do you know?" Emma whispered back.

"My wolf senses are tingling!" Ruby looked at Emma nervously. "What if it's Charming? What if it is _Leroy_?!"

_Oh God. _Emma looked around wildly, hoping that the dingy office would shout the perfect solution into her face. Luckily for Emma, given that she was off-her-face drunk, there were plenty of definitely-not-good- but-the-alcohol-makes-them-seem-fantastic ideas floating around her hazy brain.

"HIDE UNDER THE DESKS!" Emma shouted, diving for her desk even as she told Ruby her plan. For her part, Ruby only hesitated briefly before crawling under her own.

"Are you sure this is going to work?" Ruby whispered across the room.

"Yes!" Emma said. From her position she had a perfect view of the door. So she nearly passed out from the cold wave of fear that passed over her when it wasn't Leroy and Charming that walked through the door, but Regina and Belle, their arms full of bags from Granny's.

"Oh sweet flying fuck monkeys." Emma swore, turning away from the door to look at Ruby instead.

"What?!" Ruby sounded about as afraid as Emma felt.

"It's Regina and Belle!" Emma tried to push herself further under her desk as Ruby's string of swear words reached her ears. This was not good.

"Regina is going to fucking murder me." Emma muttered to herself.

"Emma?" Regina's voice floated through the station. Emma stayed silent. She wanted to _live _to see tomorrow's hangover, thank you very much!

"Ruby?" it was Belle's voice this time. Emma looked at Ruby, silently warning her to stay quiet. Ruby acquiesced.

"They'll be around somewhere." Regina again. "Shall we set up?"

_Fuck._

Ruby shot Emma a panicked glare. How the hell were they supposed to get outta this? Regina and Belle had to go.

Another bright (well, alcohol induced) idea sprung into Emma's brain. Clearing her throat a little, Emma put on her best robot-automated machine voice and started to speak.

"Ruby and Emma are not presently in the office. Please leave a message after the beep. BEEP."

Ruby started giggling. Emma shot her a glare.

"What?" Regina's voice again. She sounded very confused. Emma tried again.

"Ruby and Emma got called to do important sheriffy stuff that boys can't do. They are currently not in the office. Please leave a message after the beep. BEEP." Emma reached up to find the bottle of tequila she had left on top of her desk in her rush to hide. She was gonna need more alcohol to finish this.

Ruby just giggled harder. She clamped a hand over her mouth, but it was getting hard to contain.

"What the actual f-" Regina's annoyed tone was cut off by Belle, who nodded pointedly toward the (now over) half empty tequila bottle on the table, and the pale hand reaching blindly toward it. Understanding rushed over Regina, and she rolled her eyes to Belle, who giggled in response.

Meanwhile, Emma was still trying to shut Ruby up.

"Ruby, I'm gonna be in so much trouble if you don't shut up!" Emma shot Ruby another glare. "Do you realise how many way's Regina is gonna murder me-"

"Not tonight." Emma yelped at the sound of Regina's voice, banging her head unceremoniously on the top of the underside of her desk. Regina chuckled, before coming around the side of the desk to look at her girlfriend crouched beneath it. "I'll consider it tomorrow."

"How did you find me?" Emma pouted, rubbing the top of her head with one hand and stretching the other out for Regina to grab. "I'm hiding."

"Not quietly enough, it would appear." Regina took Emma's hands in her own, and began pulling her out from underneath the desk. Emma threw Ruby another dirty look.

"I would've gotten away with it to, if it wasn't for meddling Ruby the dumb werewolf!" Emma shouted to Ruby, who was being coaxed from her hiding spot by Belle. It appeared that Ruby had become quite attached to her little hiding place, and she seemed reluctant to move.

"Probably not, Dear." Regina finally succeeded in pulling Emma to her feet. "You are not a quiet drunk."

"I'm not drunk!" Emma stated indignantly, pulling her hands from Regina's. The world immediately began to sway.

"Whoa, everything is moving." Emma grabbed the desk to steady herself. When the world didn't right itself, she began to panic. "IT'S MOVING. RUN REGINA. SAVE YOURSELF! REMEMBER I LOVE YOU. RUN!"

Regina placed a calming hand on Emma's back.

"The world is not spinning, my love." Regina said calmly.

"Oh. Regina?" Emma turned to look at her girlfriend.

"Yes, my love?"

"I think I might be a little drunk."

Regina stifled giggle.

"Really, Emma? You think so?"

"Yes." Emma narrowed her eyes suspiciously t Regina. "You are being awfully nice about this."

"I think tomorrow morning will be a bigger punishment then I could ever deliver, dear." Regina smirked.

Emma sighed. She stepped toward Regina, wrapping her arms around Regina's waist. Emma nuzzled her nose into Regina's tan neck, inhaling the scent of lavender and vanilla that was so uniquely her. Regina wrapped her arms around Emma, who snuggled closer into Regina's body. Emma liked it there, in Regina's arms. The world stopped spinning and everything was warm and comfy and smelled good.

"Can we go home?" Emma asked, her voice tiny.

"Yes, my love." Regina's voice was filled with the tenderness that only Emma or Henry could bring out in her. "We can go home."

Regina shifted Emma to the side, wrapping one arm around the blonde's waist and grabbing the bags from Granny's with the other. She turned toward Belle, who had given up trying to get Ruby to come out from underneath the table and instead just joined her beneath it. The pair was eating their food in the cramped, makeshift hiding place, cuddled into each other's sides.

"Do you want me to lock up, Belle?" Regina smiled at the girls. They were quite the sight.

Belle nodded.

"I've got Ruby's keys as well. I lock up after us, when I finally get her out from underneath the table."

"I'M NEVER LEAVING HERE." cried Ruby, dropping her food and giving the desk an awkward on armed hug. "THIS IS MY NEW HOME. I WILL NOT BE MOVED. NEVER!"

"SOLIDARITY!" shouted Emma from beside Regina, putting a drunken fist in the air. "STICK WITH YOUR TABLE! YOU SHALL NOT BE MOVED! YOU SHALL Npmhg-"

Emma was cut off by Regina placing a hand over her mouth.

"Thank you, Belle, that would be – EMMA!" Regina ripped her hand away from the blondes mouth, revealing her evil grin. "You did _not _just _lick _my hand!" she glared at the younger woman, who had the good grace to look ashamed.

"Sorry, Regina." Emma turned her wide, sorrowful green eyes toward Regina who, powerless to resist them, sighed and turned back to Belle.

"I suppose I'll see you tomorrow?"

Belle smiled back at her.

"That would be great!"

Regina nodded, and smiling at Belle and Ruby, turned Emma away and walked toward the door. Ruby and Belle watched them leave, the latter breaking into a fit of giggles when the last thing they heard from either of the other pair was Emma's drunken:

"Regina, can I drive?"


End file.
